Friday, August 9, 2013

Parent or Martyr?

Martyr Definition:

1. One who chooses to suffer death rather than renounce religious principles.
2. One who makes great sacrifices or suffers much in order to further a belief, cause, or principle.
a. One who endures great suffering: a martyr to arthritis.
b. One who makes a great show of suffering in order to arouse sympathy.

Parent Definition:

1. One who begets, gives birth to, or nurtures and raises a child; a father or mother.
2. An ancestor; a progenitor.
3. An organism that produces or generates offspring.
4. A guardian; a protector.
5. A parent company.
6. A source or cause; an origin: Despair is the parent of rebellion.

I'm not the perfect mother, but having been a single mother for 23 years, I think I've done a pretty good job. Yes, there are things I've done wrong, probably a lot of things, but I can't, and won't believe that everything I've done is totally wrong.

We raise our kids to the best of our ability, teaching them to use words instead of fists, to respect their elders, to respect each other.

What if your child doesn't turn out like others think they should? What if they don't turn out like you think they should?

Do you disagree with everything they do as an adult and constantly tell them to try and make them a better person, or accept them for who they have become?

If they get mouthy, which my boys tend to do on occasion, is that a sign of disrespect, or something on a deeper level?

I tend to talk to my kids about everything, but when is talking too much? What if you never had a solid foundation laid for you and you are trying to teach them the best of what you know? How much talk is being too much of a friend and not a parent?

I do know that I could have done better as a mother. I feel guilty about a lot of things I've done that has affected my kids, but that's just it. It's in the past and that's where it should stay. My boys are 14 & 16 (in Sept.), I believe it's never too late to really steer them in the right direction. I have one that knows how to save money, the other it burns a hole in his pocket. One loves to help out and work, the other would rather play Xbox. Does this make me a bad Mom?

Growing up I never got what I wanted, but my Mom would try to get me the big things on Christmas or Birthdays, like my first horse, but I had to pay her back. So I tried to give my kids what they wanted when they wanted it. Now I know that I didn't teach them anything by doing this, but does this make me a totally bad parent?

I would really love to hear your thoughts on these questions. Please comment your suggestions/advice, I'd love to know what you think.


  1. How we all wish that children came with a handbook, but they do not. We learn from our own experiences, and we are Humans so yes, we're imperfect and having been raised by others who are imperfect then really its is a trial and error process. We desire to give to our children what we feel we were lacking, and although we think we hit the mark, well the child might think otherwise. I just believe if we love our kids, nurture them, give them values and a belief system, then trust them then we can feel confident that we are adding to our society productive and responsible participants. Well that is the hope:) And in my opinion, wanting your children to have treats does not make your a bad parent, nor allowing them to play X-Box. Because there is enough time for kids to grow up and face life's harsh realities, allow them to enjoy their youth:)

    1. A handbook would be great Michelle :). Thank you too!

  2. I am the mother of a dog and a cat. We weren't able to have human children. However, we did borrow my niece quite a bit while she was growing up. She is now 21 and in university and working. I am so proud of the woman she has become.

    I agree that there is no perfect way to be a parent. I am glad that corporal punishment is no longer acceptable! I do agree that is wrong. I think it is good to give kids some of the things they want but to help them save for some things. I would take them to open a savings account and help them keep track of how much they have saved and what the goal is. Then help them save again for the next thing. Most adults use way too much credit these days, I think it's good to show kids a better way to get what they want and also to learn the lesson that we just can't always get what we want. (As the Rolling Stones say).

    I received an allowance when I was a kid but I was never paid for chores like some kids. I don't think kids should get paid to do household chores because when they grow up they will not get paid for doing chores. However, my parents liked to entertain a lot and my mom would hire my sister and myself to do the dishes and help serve, etc. I think that is quite fair, since it is above and beyond regular housework and it gives your kids the chance to earn a bit more money.

    1. I love the Savings Account idea Teddy. We're changing things a bit here in our house and I will be making the kids work more towards saving for what they want. Thanks for stopping in :)


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